It’s Not Fair

Life’s Not Fair

That was the response of someone I know and love to her diagnosis of pancreatic cancer.

“It’s just not fair.”

I agree. This person has devoted her life to helping others. She has cared for neighbors, for family members, for her husband as he navigates his own Parkinson’s diagnosis.

I am sure that in those three words – it’s not fair – there is a lament – a cry to God against circumstances that seem unfair.

In the book of Psalms we find many psalms that are such cries to God. Sometimes the cry is a question: My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? (Ps 22:1) Sometimes the cry appears as words of trust: In you, O Lord, I take refuge. (Ps 71:1) And the fact that the Book of Psalms is filled with laments tells me it’s okay to be sad, to be angry, to be confused when life seems unfair.

A lament demands that God be faithful, that God live up to God’s promises. Laments rise out of trust and confidence, yet also confusion and, sometimes, fear. I once read someone describe laments as cries to God that become affirmations of faith.

I think that’s what this woman’s words were: a question wrapped in a statement of lament that became an affirmation of faith ... because she is a woman of faith. And she knows that even though the circumstances are not what she wants, God will be with her every day in this journey. In fact, her mantra is “one day at a time.” And she found a quote that gives her comfort: God doesn’t give us more than we can handle; instead God helps us to handle what we have been given. Like this loved one, I cannot believe in a God who acts as the arbitrator to decide who gets cancer or who must suffer some other awful life circumstance. I can instead believe in a God who is there for us amid the pain and fear and grief.

Thanksgiving is a time when we pause to give thanks for the good things in life: a bountiful harvest, our families and friends. Sometimes my family will pause before the big feast and share one thing we are grateful for from the past year. It’s a time of reflecting on the good times – the good circumstances of life. Remembering the good times can help us to put the difficult times in perspective. We celebrate those good times with prayers or with toasts. Such memories can help us in those moments when life begins to feel unfair.

Paul is a friend. I’ve known him only a few years, but I love him like a brother. Paul also has a cancer diagnosis and is just beginning a series of chemotherapy treatments that, if all goes well, will prepare him for a bone marrow transplant next year.

The last time I talked with Paul, he said he has come to see his cancer journey as a spiritual journey – an idea he holds on to “in the midst of lab reports and visits with medical folk who are afraid to talk about the spiritual.”

Paul finds himself in circumstances that seem unfair. Paul acknowledges that fear is his default mode since his diagnosis. He recently made a pilgrimage to Iona, a contemplative community on an island off Scotland. As he sat on a bench, offering his own prayer of lament, he watched the ocean, and realized he was being invited to remember all the times God has been present in his life. Each wave brought a new memory, and Paul realized he no longer felt fear, but a deep sense of contentment, which he saw as gift. And he was grateful for that gift.

So often when life seems unfair, we call out “where is God in the midst of this?” Remembering those times in our lives when things have been good – those time that invite us to be thankful – can help us understand that God is indeed in the midst of these unfair circumstances – faithful as the waves rolling into the shore, offering us what we need for this day, whether a day of Thanksgiving or a day of lament. May you feel the presence of God in very real and tangible ways as you walk your own path through good times and bad, and may you, like Paul, find a deep sense of contentment as you remember God’s faithfulness.

Rev LeAnn Blackert works with Michele Walker, Lesly Comrie and Linda Clark in ministry with Wild Church in Kamloops, Sorrento and the Okanagan. She considers herself a seeker in her faith journey and wanders the wild world looking for the Great Mystery and the “wild Christ.” To find out more, visit wildchurchbc.com and be in touch!